Is your relationship healthy?

7 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship – Do any of these describe your relationship with your partner?

• When there is a disagreement, you are always wrong and your partner is always right.
• You fear bringing up a subject that is important to you because your partner might get really angry.
• Your partner uses alcohol or drugs a lot. After he/she has been drinking or using, he/she can’t remember what he/she said or did to you.
• Your partner tries to control your access to money, who you spend time with, where (or whether) your work, how you dress, or how you act.
• You feel bad about yourself because your partner calls you names, makes fun of you, or views you as stupid, ignorant, or incompetent.
• Your partner lies to you or cheats on you.
• Your partner promises to change but he/she doesn’t.

Are you in a violent relationship?

• You didn’t cause the violence and you can’t change an abusive person.
• Pregnant women, including women considering abortion, may be at a higher risk for experiencing violence from an intimate partner.
• Learn more about the patterns in abusive relationships and make your own choice to be safe.

Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships?

Often, people stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel they really love the other person and the hope things will change for the better. Some relationships do change with a little work and counseling. But if your partner is unwilling to get outside help or wants you to keep the problems in your relationship a secret, it may be a sign that he/she doesn’t really want to change. Remember, someone who really loves you will treat you with respect, kindness, and patience. Your partner will be honest with you and value your thoughts and feelings. And, of course, he/she won’t be violent with you or force sex on you.

10 Signs of Healthy Relationship
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201503/10-signs-youre-in-healthy-relationship)

• You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals. You both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving these together.
• There is a strong sense of trust between you. You openly discuss everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no hidden agenda and no secrets from your past.
• You keep your own identity within the relationship and so does your partner. This is so vital. Marriage may be a large piece of the whole pie that identifies who you are. But above all, you’re still who you are as an individual beyond your various roles in life.
  You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually.
  You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.
• You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants. Time is set aside to discuss issues relevant to you as a couple or each of you individually. Listening carefully with undivided attention is essential to real understanding.
• You respect each other’s differences even if you disagree on important issues. And you are able to turn your differences into fair compromise.
• You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be. Remember that you’re dealing with another extraordinarily complex individual in addition to yourself. There’s enough to work with without pursuing unrealistic ideals.
• Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team.”
• You and your partner honor each other’s family ties and friendships. While it’s important to set aside time for family and friends, it’s also important to maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner as a unit apart from other close relationships.
• Caring, kindness, support, encouragement, and empathy are the watchwords of a good and loving relationship. There is simply no room for rudeness, meanness, jealousy, insulting, degrading, blaming, guilting, criticizing, judging, or physically acting out, especially when the object is one’s partner. Those boundaries cannot be crossed.

To find out more about Healthy Relationships, call Care Net for a confidential consultation. (845) 471-9284.